>worked in an open kitchen cafe at mall
>3 hamplanets enter
>order salads with ranch.
>”we’re getting salads so it’s ok”
>think “ok. fine, at least they got the healthiest salad”
>hope that at least they are trying
>make it, send it out, runner comes back
>”I need 3 more sides of ranch dressing”
>give him three
>”no, three each”
>accidentally say too loud, “what kind of fat moron thinks they’re healthy by drowning a salad in ranch?”
>they full on rage, demand to see manager
>head chef comes out, 250lbs fat, down from over 300.
>he’s been trying to lose weight really hard, last job was at a fat ass french food restaurant, got fat from eating their food for free.
>kicks them out for “making him look like a lazy asshole”

I hope you finally succeeded Kevin.

>fat as fatass first year at the bar talking about the uni gym with his friends
>”yeah, it’s really cool the gym here is free. really motivating, you know? no more excuses”
>tell him that’s a great mentality
>wish him the best of luck
>”thanks man - i really have no idea where to get started…”
>”you look like the kind of guy who browses 4chan..”
>”yeah..”
>”forget the other boards for a couple of months. go to /fit/ and read the sticky.”
>saw him squatting today
>good form.

>be back at college for a week
>all the freshers are here
>overhear two people behind me talking in union
>”yeah, i’m glad all the guys here are really geeky - makes getting laid much easier because they don’t have standards”
>turn around
>see hamplanet who said these words
>incredulous look on my face
>lock eyes with the celestial body
>so confused by how fucked up that is that I forget my manners
>stare straight into her eyes with ahorrified look on my face and say “MY GOD”
>she starts crying and says something about thinking about other people’s feelings

>be dancin in club
>hot girls all around
>bitches be mirin’

>i’m runnin’ my game, shooting a wink and a smile at girls for some sweet sweet grindage
>feels good man

>all of a sudden, accidentally make eye contact with a large, bulbous, and ill-kempt human mass
>her eyes lock on her prey

>across the room, she spins around so that her ass faces me
>literally SPRINTS backwards, attempting to propel her massive ass into my crotchal region

>she’s charging like a rhino, kicking up dust
>her beastly squeal rings out
>i leap out of the way in the knick of time, land on my face
>get up and turn to look
>just in time to see her slam into some unsuspecting kid
>knowthatfeel.jpg

>kid is knocked out cold by the force of the impact
>mfw i escaped certain death
>mfw i was destined to be a bullfighter

>Be thin, skinny tiny girl
>Hang out with a thicker, bulkier girl
>She’s a farmer and she can lift like 200lb sheep
>She’s totally bulkin
>Some teenage kids come to her farm on a field trip because their parents are friends with hers
>Some fat dude makes fun of her for being fat
>She goes and picks up one of the biggest sheep they have in the field
>Drops it at his feet and tells him to pick it up
>Mfw he betas out

I have the best friend to ever exist and she’s still super damned pretty

> working in restaurant as a host
> decent job, pretty easy money except for the fat fucks I have to deal with
> normal day, not too busy
> hamplanet parks in the disabled parking spot (imagine that)
> waddles in
> she looks exhausted from the 15 feet journey
> shes wearing a pepto bismol pink shirt
> actual ham-planet
> request a table, because she has “back problems and the booths hurt”
> sit her at the smallest table

mfw

>live in Canada
>have Thanksgiving Dinner at grandparent’s house with aunt, uncle, and two cousins
>aunt and uncle both overweight
>uncle eats nothing but half a chocolate coconut pie (standard)
>aunt eats huge plate filled with food
>she complains about being full
>time for dessert
>she eats like 3 slices of pie
>somebody makes a joke about how she said she was full
>”it’s okay, I walked like 4km the other day”
>almost every one of my relative’s there is fat
>not even gonna bother

Maybe not very comical, more of a rant.

> Girlfriend’s sister in 29
> About 30+ stone
> spends the entire day sat on the sofa complaining she’s fat and how ‘lucky’ I am to be in shape
> ‘I wish I only had to lift a few weights like you to get a 6 pack’
> she says through mouthfuls of her 4th slice of lemon cheese cake

She’s so fucking useless it’s unreal. She has a 2 year old she’s trained up to run around getting biscuits out of the cupboard.

>She’s self-diagnosed herself with diabetes and ME a year ago
> ‘hence why I can’t lose weight’
> has been shaped like a small island since she was twelve.

I don’t even dislike fat people, at all. My girlfriends fairly chubby, I love it. It’s just that she’s such a fat, racist, judgemental cunt it sickens me.

>/fit/ + 7” hard
>frat friends thin kit’d be funny by falsifying an application…as a male stripper
>get an interview
>decide to go for lulz
>take job
>settle on masked stripper
>go to bridal parties and shit
>get groped
>they’re allowed to touch but that’s it
>fat girl gropes extra hard and puts cash on belt (lol why? there’s no tips in paid jbos usually)
>decide to ‘milk’ her if you will
>she places lips on dick
>pull back violently
>yell “lol nope”
>find out later she cried
>get “reprimanded”
>boss buys me a drink

>be out clubbing with friends
>suddenly get cornered by 2 hambeast females
>theyre trying to dance with aka their bulk keeps smacking me into the wall like a ball
>finally break away
>run full force out of club with them waddling after me
>see guy selling hotdogs out of van, tell him whats going on and give him 20 bucks to let me hide in the van
>fat female hambeasts spot van and stand outside eating 3 hotdogs each
>spend 45 mins hiding in van next to packs of hotdogs trying to call friends while van owner laughs hysterically

The hotdog van owner atleast gave me a hotdog to eat while i hid in the van cause of how bad he felt and how hard he laughed